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by castielrisingabove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Family, Heaven, Men of Letters Bunker, Other, Somewhere in S9-S10, WIP, fluff later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3466214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielrisingabove/pseuds/castielrisingabove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel learns an important lesson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Just--just get the hell out!"

The words rang in his ears as Cas fled the Bunker. He couldn't get the event out of his mind as he drove. He and Sam had gone on a hunt without Dean and things...well, hadn't exactly gone as planned. Sam had gotten hurt pretty badly and with Cas' grace in the state it was, he couldn't heal him. Sam had assured Cas it would be fine, but as Cas had brought the injured Sam into the Bunker, Dean lost it.

"I _trusted_ you!"

When it became apparent Cas would be of little help, that was when Dean shouted the ultimatum. And Cas took it, running to the only home he knew he had: Heaven. Angels murmured and whispered as Castiel strode in through the playground portal, but he ignored them, searching instead for Hannah, his second in command. He found her working on equipping a team of angels to rebuild a portion of Heaven. "Hannah?"

She turned her head, a smile appearing on her face as she recognized the voice. "Castiel!" A look of confusion crossed her face, "What are you doing here? I thought you were with the Winchesters..."

Cas groaned. "The Winchesters want me gone."

Hannah was quiet for a moment, scribbling a few notes on a clipboard before turning and giving the group of attentive angels an order before looking back towards Cas. "Come on," she said, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder, "I will distract you, show you around Heaven to outline the work that's been done..."

Castiel nodded glumly, following Hannah as she moved from place to place with confidence. As much as Castiel hated to admit it, he still didn't quite feel at home yet in Heaven. Finally, as Hannah reached a lull in her explanation, she turned to Castiel, noticing the look on his face. "Are you going to stay here for good?"

"Looks like it," Cas murmured, "Dean was very, uh,  _firm_..."

Hannah sighed, shaking her head, "Do not let it worry you, Castiel," she replied, "The Winchesters are human, after all."

Cas scowled. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything," Hannah shrugged, "Since the dawn of time, humans have looked out for each other. To even participate on Earth, we too need human vessels. They would not accept us otherwise."

"So?"

" _So_ ," Hannah continued, "The Winchesters are no exception. They look out for fellow humans. For each other. Angels...well, those they much prefer to kill."

Castiel frowned. "That's untrue."

Hannah shook her head sadly, resuming her brisk walk. "They slay our brothers and sisters without mercy."

"Haven't killed me."

"Because you've been  _useful_ ," Hannah retorted, "As soon as you stop being of use to them, they won't hesitate to end you. And even if they've found it in their hearts to spare your life, they surely wouldn't be looking out for you!"

"But..." Cas trailed off, knowing full well his claim would sound ridiculous, "But, we're family..."

"No," Hannah replied softly, " _We're_ family."

"I'll miss them..." Cas turned, as if they'd be waiting for him, bursting into Heaven to bring him back. But there was nobody.

"Perhaps it was best Dean Winchester sent you away," Hannah said quietly, face lighting up, "Castiel, you're finally  _home_."

Heaven lacked the compact, cozy walls of the Bunker, but Castiel told himself he'd be used to it. The angels would be the ones to be there for him no matter what. No longer would he have to work to impress the Winchesters or suffer being the butt of Dean's jokes and accusations. He was home, even if he'd have to repeat that word hundreds of times to remember. And home with an actual family no less.

Forcing a smile onto his face, Cas nodded, "Glad to be back." _  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the second chapter I never actually expected to write.

It took Dean exactly 1 hour, 20 minutes and 39 seconds for the guilt to sink in. Mostly because that was when Sam seemed to realize Castiel wasn’t planning on coming back.

“What the  _ hell _ was that?” he snapped as Dean came into the room with several ice packs.

“It helps decrease swelling,” Dean replied stubbornly.

Sam’s bitchface had never been stronger as he glared at his older brother. “Cas is  _ gone _ ,” he continued, snatching the ice pack out of Dean’s grasp, “And it’s all because of you.”

“I...I just wanted him out of the way!”

A blatant lie. They both knew as much. Dean had been trembling when Cas carried Sam’s barely conscious form into the room and when he heard it was Cas’ fault (of course Castiel would blame himself, even though it had been a team effort simply gone awry) he’d taken all the negative emotions he’d been bottling up and directed them all at Cas.

“Have you ever stopped to consider,” Sam snapped, wincing as he placed the ice pack against his ribs, “That one of these days, when you tell him to go, he just won’t come back?”

Dean, who had been moving to help Sam situate the ice, stopped dead in his tracks. He had been thinking about a lot of things. Thinking about how stupid it was for Sam and Cas to go off after a whole nest of vamps without him. Thinking about how to help set Sammy’s ribs and whether or not the gashes in his abdomen had caused internal damage and whether or not it would be worth a risky hospital trip to verify. Thinking about how to get the proper pain pills for his brother and thinking about how he’d kick Cas’ ass for ever being less than the guardian angel Dean expected…

...but he’d never once considered the fact Castiel might just stop being their guardian angel at all. 

Dean felt a strange worry begin to settle in his chest, the kind that twisted up his insides and made him want to drink a copious amount of hard liquor. Castiel might have been flighty, but he’d never really  _ left _ . He was always there when they needed him most. But Dean couldn’t deny that the things he’d said to Castiel an hour ago all seemed pretty final. And that wasn’t even factoring Cas’ own guilt he was most likely harboring for getting Sam hurt in the first place. 

“He...he knows we don’t actually mean forever...right?"

Sam looked up at the ceiling, taking slow, measured breaths. “Do you want the honest answer or the hopeful one?”

That wasn’t a good sign. Dean’s jaw clenched. “He thinks we don’t want him.”

“Probably.” Sam runs a shaky hand through his hair, “He wouldn’t listen to me telling him things were okay, he said I was delusional from the pain.”

That, Dean thought, actually would have been pretty funny if the circumstances weren’t so grim.

“And you...well...he trusts you more than anything…” Sam paused, clearly hesitant to continue that train of reasoning. He didn’t have to, Dean knew exactly what that meant. 

Castiel wasn’t coming back.

“Maybe if I pray?” Dean’s voice was desperate, even a little vulnerable. He paced the room, picking up Castiel’s blue tie, now stained with blood. Apparently when Cas realized he couldn’t heal Sam, he’d used his tie as a tourniquet. Clever. It was the sort of thing Dean should be praising Cas about, not sending him away.

Rubbing the soft blue fabric with his thumb, Dean looked skyward to Heaven. “Hey, Cas? You got your ears on?”

\-------

Meanwhile, Castiel walked the cool, neutral halls of Heaven. Hannah was explaining a variety of the new day to day workings, a side of leadership Castiel had always despised, while working to reintroduce him to the angels. 

He couldn’t help but notice their cool, almost aloof demeanor and wondered if they could tell that he was no longer like them. Castiel’s heart screamed in a pain that could not be identified physically. Just as he worked to try and mirror the calm and collected angels, though, Dean’s voice crashed through every emotional defense. 

_ Hey, Cas? You got your ears on? _

Castiel stiffened at the sound of Dean’s prayer, his heart crying out in a myriad of emotions. Hannah turned, surveying Cas curiously. “He’s praying, isn’t he?”

Prayers came in colors, and Dean Winchester’s was no exception. His was always a spectacular golden amber, one that shone when he was happy and was clouded, almost dark, when he was not. This prayer was clouded, though a few brilliant spots of amber could be seen dazzling through the darkness.

It made Cas terribly homesick.

“I don’t know what he wants yet,” Cas whispered, clenching his fists, “He’s being...unclear.”

“You’ve got to shut him out. Divert his prayers elsewhere.” 

Shut him out? The thought cut Castiel to his core. He didn’t want to imagine a world where Dean didn’t pray to him. And what if he needed help? What if Sam did? Then again...Dean had been very firm. No doubt Dean was only praying now to remind Castiel just how broken he was, how worthless. How he’d let down the Winchesters.

Cas didn’t have the stomach to listen to that message. Not now. With a deep breath, he closed himself off to prayers, Dean’s amber tones dissolving from his mind. Still, Cas tucked the familiar  _ “Hey, Cas? You got your ears on?”  _ away in his memory, clinging to one final, honey sweet brush of Dean.

“You’ll forget about them soon enough,” Hannah said, gently touching his shoulder. It was supposed to be comforting, Cas decided, but she just wasn’t human. Human comfort was warmer. Then again, maybe he shouldn’t be romanticizing humans at all, after all that kind had put him through.

“I hope so…” Cas mumbled, feeling a twinge of guilt for the lie, “I hope so.”

\------

_ Hey, Cas? You got your ears on? I’m, uh...I’m a total asshole. What you did...it was, well, it was wrong, but...shit. That wasn’t how I wanted to voice that. Look, you saved my brother. I know he’s a bit banged up, but if he’d been hunting without you, he’d probably be dead. And that’s the thing, for all your screw ups, you’ve always been there for us. Always. We’d be dead a hundred times over without you. Shit. This got sidelined again. Look...I don’t know what you’re thinking, but please come back. Please? I don’t just need you here, I  _ **_want_ ** _ you here. Hell, Cas, I lo--. Shit. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Just...please don’t be gone forever, okay? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be more after this? While I kind of like the feel of this verse, I don't really know where it's going. We'll see. Anyway, kudos and comments are always appreciated.


End file.
